Life sucks...then you die

I'm feeling REALLY down lately.  Life is so hard.  Raising kids is not fun.  I feel completely overwehelmed by my life.  I feel like I am underwater. 

I think I am really tired.  I NEVER get to sleep the entire night through.  I am almost always awoken by a child, or if I am lucky enough to have them all sleep through the night I always have to get up to go pee.  So, I feel like a walking zombie most days.  My body doesn't feel well either.  My muscles and bones feel all tight and achy.  I feel like I am 80 years old.  I know something is wrong with me.  But doctors don't know what it is.

I am still doing good on not eating sweets.  It's been 13 days without a dessert and that is amazing for me.  I'm not doing so well on exercise.  Haven't done it the past 2 days.  My husband was out of town and when he is gone there is so much more on my shoulders that I don't usually have time to exercise and if I do or I make time by letting something else go then I don't have the necessary energy.  I am just exhausted.  I want to curl up in a little ball and cease to exist.  Dying won't work because then you have to go to the next life and keep on going and I just don't think I am going to get any rest there either.  No, I need to cease to exist. Too bad that is impossible.

My teenaged son is really disappointing me.  He has stopped attending church or any church related activites.  It breaks my heart.  He is also addicted to video games.  He has no plans for his future.  He has no aspirations.  It is so frustrating.  He is super smart and could do some amazing things but he would rather sit in his room playing video games.  Whoever made WOW is going to a very bad place after this life.  They are responsible for ruining so many lives.  I don't know what to do to get through to this kid that he needs to start LIVING his life.

I am really unhappy with where I live.  My house is too small.  It's ok though.  I love this house.  But I am unhappy with some other things that have to do with my church and in my religion where you live determines who you go to church with.  I wish we could move and get a fresh start.  But we can't sell our house nor can we afford a new one right now.  But I feel trapped and super super lonely.  No one pays attention to my family.  We feel very un cared for.  My son stops going to church and no one even notices.  No one attempts to make contact with him and try to help him. 

This is just me venting.  None of you know who I am so that is good:)  Why does life have to seem like never-ending torment.  I am seriously tired of being a parent.  It is just drudgery.  Same things day after day.  Clean up after people, cook them food so they can complain about it, try to get them to do what they need to do while not one person listens to a thing you say, referree all their stupid fights, inflict punishments on them for said fighting, put all your own needs aside and try to pretend you don't have any, clean up barf and diarrhea so often the smell stops bothering you, try not to notice the unbelievable trash dump you live in that can never be clean no matter how hard you try to make it that way.

I am just tired.